4 - Making Time

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the
bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

I wanted to share this quote with you as it is one of my favourites and it felt particularly relevant for me today.

You see today I had a date with some dirty undies, spent some quality time with some hardened grime, murdered a few hours on the phone (which was enriching for my soul unlike the other two tasks), donned the chauffeurs hat and ferried my daughter to and fro, created a saliva inducing meal, whipped up a double batch of chocolate-chip shortbread, kept my cool while dealing with Optus (the Dalai Lama would be proud), co-ordinated contractors, made appointments and collapsed on the coach in front of the television. Can you see what's missing?

That's right I forgot to write. Well forgot is a bit misleading isn't it - neglected too, avoided, made excuses not too, would be a fairer portrayal of the situation. Today I really had to look at why I've become an industry leader in procrastination. Why I insist on holding back from blissfully tapping away at my keyboard. Why I resist connecting with the magical 'other' that takes over my mind and produces strings of words that I can't even remember writing.

What I discovered wasn't particularly original. Once excavated I found a festering pile of fear buried underneath of those tired excuses. This left me with two choices, either I could, a) beat myself up (which I must admit I do have a strong skill set in) or b) acknowledge it, love it and move on from it. I decided to go with option b).

As a result, tomorrow I'm throwing open the windows so I can't smell the funky washing, I'm donning a pair of good sunglasses so I can't see the grime and I'm duck taping my curvaceous backside to my office chair until words have been typed, sentences have been strung and inspirations have been harnessed.

I'm moving myself one step closer to all of you reading me on a paper page.